Scooter

I take the train everyday to work.

It isn't the most fun thing in the whole world but it is $106.00 for an entire month of travel... back and forth as many times as I want. Take THAT gas! HAHA, suckers. So in taking the train I see a lot of stupid things. Mostly because there is a large concentration of people on trains and people are stupid.

For example: This morning I was arriving at my stop which happens to be the end of the line, San Francisco. It is uber busy during the commute times...cause...well...it's a train station during rush hour. I was sitting in my chair (aisle seat) listening to music with my eyes closed. I'm sorta half sleep in the morning cause it is boring and reading on the train makes me sick. So, I am sitting there and, mind you, we are a good 5-7 minutes away from actually stopping. Suddenly the woman next to me decides that she would like to leave and get in the line that forms when antsy people can't wait to get off the train...RIGHT NOW. So she precedes to hit me with her purse. This startles me so I open my eyes and look over at her like "Whatthefuck?!" is written on my forehead. She is hovered over me looking as if she is ready to climb me like Everest... so she can stand in line... to wait... for the train to stop... in 5 minutes. So in fear of getting hit by her "it took the entire cow to make" purse, again, I stand up and let her out. But now I have no where to go so I am stuck standing. Blast! I need to get a bigger bag.

Now when you exit the train there is only one way to go so it is basically like a herd of cattle heading to the slaughter. Everyone trudges along heading to their respective shitty jobs. Except for the group of people I lovingly call Wheeltards. These are the people that if we were all cows would get tazed (btw tazed is not really a word but I refuse to change it) because they jack up the whole process. The WT (as I call them in my head) this morning that I wish I could've tazed was a 40 something year old business man. Who was trying to unfold his razor scooter in the middle of the stampede. As he swung the thing around and it hit my shin I started to wonder; What possesses a 40-something year-old man to ride a razor scooter? What causes him to think... "Hey, I have to get from here to there and I want to do it .02 seconds faster than those schmucks walking."? And "Hey...those 8 year-olds in my neighborhood that have them look really bitchin' and I'm just sooooooo jealous of them."

Watching him mess with it made me think of when my cousin used to give his Transformers to my mom so she could help him change them to the "more than meets the eye" part. And he would look up at her, and she at him, and they would just stare at each other. My mom couldn't change them into anything. She couldn't do it because THEY WERE FOR KIDS. And as we all know, kids are just smarter at shit like that. Those 8 year-olds on his block could probably make that scooter ridable in 3 seconds blindfolded underwater. But Mr. Need for Speed was messing up the whole system. HE is a Wheeltard. Other wheeltards include people with wheelie bags and people with strollers but when the kid is replaced by Macy's bags. Bikes aren't included because those people are persecuted on the train so they know their shit and do it perfectly. Yeah...wheeltards...I gotta get a tazer.